R~n 1566: The Barf Mile R~n
Reflecting on the SFH3 2012 Beer Mile, my stomach quivers at the thought of all the bodily fluids spilled in the sidewalk and the bay. If the trash’s name does not reflect my feeling for this event then maybe the Barf-O- Rama Scene will give you clue of how this night went down. I have to give many props to the wankers in the stand for keeping their lunches and dinners in place. A big shout to all those who participated in this finely disgusting event. The puke fest managed to attract 47.5 wankers plus two fast running bitches. The night graced us with some great r-nning whether, cold ass beers and a beautiful view of the Bay Bridge. The keg was a sweet nectar from heavens named Racer-Cinco By the time religion came around there were fewer than twenty bodies around. The hot female duo RA of WBH and WWATWH were on point and didn’t let LIF fuck up their show. The pint size R-5 down down beer was enough to keep LIF quiet for the entire night..... He only had four down downs..... Could this be reason he was so quiet?
The radio said it’s 7:18 AM on this fine Tuesday morning. I wake up to a severely dried mouth, which made me wonder; did I cross the fucking desert last night? Why do my leg and hip hurt? Why am I laying with my head towards the foot board of the bed? Why do I have my jeans on still? Where the fuck is my I Phone? Did I buy a Gatorade last night? Why does my 49ers shirt smell like beer? I have more questions than answers so I decide seek the mystery orange Gatorade, I found it and gulp it in two giant sips. My brain refreshes and suddenly the stench of beer on my shirt reminded me, Yes!! It wasn’t a dream: THE SFH3 2012 BEER MILE did happened last night. I proceed to rewind last night’s tape and finally I answered my own questions. It went something like this:
6:00 PM it’s almost time to go to the much anticipated 2012 Beer Mile. I wonder what the turn out will be? I can’t wait for the LIF vs. WYD match.
6:15 PM Shit I forgot my shirt now I’m going to be late. Ah no big deal I’ll walk over to go to Burlington at 5th and Howard and buy one.
6:27 PM Arrive at store where I noticed there are more police than civilians in the street. WTF is going on here?
6:35 PM I leave the store with my fresh 49ers shirt. I remove all tags and proceed to change in the middle of the sidewalk. I get strange looks.
6:37 PM I over hear someone asking “Where the fuck is Obama?” All the dots connect, the police cars, the whole block closed, bomb squad..... I’m fucked now I’m going to be really late.
6:40 PM Now I’m later they are probably starting now. I arrive at 5th and Mission to catch the 14L but the street is a parking lot. The traffic is not moving at all!
6:41 PM Under my breath, I cursed Obama and his entourage for making me late to the event. I look around for the secret service agents to tackle me to the ground and arrest me for threatening the national security.
6:45 PM Change of plans ....I will take BART and get there faster. As usual the train is departing as I get to the bottom of the stair. I wait 4 more minutes for the Dublin Pleasanton train.
6:52 PM After a quick run from BART, I arrive at the embarcadero. I don’t have to look for the start; the loud crowd clearly shows me the way.
6:55 PM I arrive at the start where Camel Toe has just finished his second beer and takes off
6:55.5 PM I take a quick glance at the beer that Hand Pump is handing out: Budweiser & Coors Light. My
stomach churns in disapproval and I know it’s going to be a long night ahead.
6:57 PM I move on to the cheering section where I joined Do Her Well, Just Doesn’t get it, Fuck Buddy, John Handcock and Gobble My Ass