Run #416 Foreman Read the Verdict

Visitors and newboots were thick as fleas on Badger last week as Hung Juror laid his virgin trail from the Parade Ground of the Presidio. Fearing failure he turned it into a family affair by luring his brother Ted to cum from Chicago and provide him an assist. Ted brought Ed along just in case they needed some muscle to curb an angry pack. Shades of the Sopranos. Speaking of family Nutless Sac brought his mother –in-law (a marriage ending risk) but wisely kept her locked in his car and safe from the influence of I R Stupid who found her strangely attractive. Laureen a cumly virgin and target of that notorious serial luster and loser Chickless Boner (shouldn’t his name have given her a clue?) performed the evening’s religious service. Laureen also seemed to know (in the biblical sense?) yet another virgin, Fitz whose brogue surpasses even that of Snakeless professional Irishman par excellance and we all know what that means. Handling the Sacred Missal as though she needed asbestos gloves she delivered a sermon that, while not bringing down the house, brought Don’s sweats to his ankles. While Don was busy trying to pull his sweats past his tent pole the pack was off in search of trail. The hardest part of the trail was finding its start. Once that was accomplished the pack settled into its usual lemmings rushing to the cliff edge mode. Sadly, Likes To Lick must have suffered an episode of early dementia nothing else could explain him actually following D’anglin A’nglin. Suffice it to say that while the rest of the pack was putting away piss these wankers were stumbling around Baker Beach looking for nonexistent trail. True trail wandered through the Presidio allowing the pack to stagger through the woods. Phone Sex unable to find an excuse for missing the *un and arriving for cocktails found herself relying on Camel Blower to help her find trail. Oddly Camel Blower spent most of his evening trying to lure her farther and farther off trail. Naked Hasher spent the evening as usual, trying to stay warm. Will no one organize a clothing drive for this man? Eventually the pack was reunited and the Sacred Bucket was brought forth so the pack could drown itself in River Madness. It wasn’t long before the River threatened to carry Open Wide to the sea. No Hands arrived with a gift of beer that remained undrunk by the Whine & Chowder Society and while three days old and flat it still disappeared down the throats of true hashers. At this point Pussy Whistle, Dickless Namehole, and I R S appeared more or less on trail. Pussy Whistle was moving at a breakneck pace but so would any woman being pursued by that pair of rummy Romeos. Bigfoot and Dr. Kimble were also late arrivals but not on trail. Note to Bag Lady and Enter The Gerbil: having consumed copious cups from the Sacred Bucket Dr. K announced that every time Bigfoot belches his heart skips a beat. As often as she belches he’s lucky it’s beating at all. Enter The Gerbil, the King’s Own Fool, circled the pack and forced the guilty to do flat beer down-downs. King Rongjon disdaining to wield the Sword of Power merely waved his hand sending each properly chastised miscreant back to obscurity. The King recently returned from Finland where he successfully avoided a You Fat Bastard down -down by exhibiting his newly svelte shape was brought forward and the Finns error in judgment corrected. The moment soon degenerated into a “one drinks they all drink episode” and all the fat bastards were doffing shirts to drink. There were T/BC, King Rongjon, Likes To Lick, Don, I R Stupid, and Nutless Sac (skinniest of the fat bastards) half-naked sloshing back punch. Doctors believe that Dick Chick’s condition is just hysterical blindness and she will regain her sight. Virgin Michael offered to help by laying on hands but she wasn’t that hysterical. The vision of so much extra flesh sent Fits In face down into the Bucket and Sammy howling off into the night. Happily Duncan and Parker were already in their car and slept through the episode. Not so Gets It In The End’s daughter’s Ellyn and Jessie and their new pooch Leo. GIITE has threatened to bill the Gypsies for the therapy the kiddies will need. Meatpie on the other hand just shrugged said “and the beat goes on” and continued to drink herself into oblivion. Likes To Lick wasn’t done yet, getting a down-down for beating Open Wide. She proudly displayed the bruises to prove it. Happily bruises there mean she enjoyed it. Smoking Wiener of the Rocket ShittyH3 stalked the periphery of the circle hoping to scoop up some fallen angel but the Bucket soon sent him to dreamland with the curb for a pillow. There is no such thing as too rich or too drunk. Cheers.