Run #421 The Divas Do It!

Open Wide, Dick Chick, and Scarlett O’Hairy proved that three heads are better than one especially if that one is Nameless Dickhole. The dynamic divas, with an able assist in the baking department from Cream Filled Buns, put on a near flawless performance that left the Gypsies both shaken and stirred. The pack gathered at the parking lot at the end of 15^th Ave. off of Lake St. looking forward to what everyone’s favorite bimbos had in store. Scarlett was busy handing out Jell-O shots to prime the pump as the pack waited to start. The weather outside was frightful but Tight Lips’, an oh so red headed Whine & Chowder Society wankerette, reading of the Sacred Missal was so delightful that the pack was hot by the time on-on was called. The pack tore through the Presidio hot on the trail of a promised Jell-O check to be followed by a tequila check. It was an over the river and through the woods trail with occasional lapses in the flour but those with half a mind found it possible to follow. Those with less than half a mind not only missed the alcohol checks but the abundance of poison oak that Open Wide had so kindly provided. Whippet In and Whippet Out were besides themselves with joy as they thundered through the stuff knowing just how much joy and blisters they’d be spreading to Fits In and T/BC. The Boyz couldn’t wait to trade notes with Sammy and find out how soon he planned to be rubbing against No Hands. McTaco was sans Elliot but he still ran through the poison oak just so Elliot wouldn’t feel bad when he heard what damage the other pooches had caused. The Jell-O shots check for those who made it was at Baker Beach where it was cold enough to keep the Jell-O stiff and most of the male members of the pack shrunk. Trail continued out to Land’s End then back down Geary to Open Wide’s den of iniquity and tequila where the darling dominatrices suspended compliant pack members upside down and forced Margaritas down their throats. The ladies were definitely dressed to thrill with Open Wide in painted on plastic faux leather pants that left Fucking Pesto Chicken panting. Dick Chick dressed in black, black, black threatened to turn the scene into a heterosexual version of “sperm alley.” If she’d had him any more turned on Boneless Chicken would have pole vaulted his way back to the on-in. Nutless Sac seemed somewhat uncomfortable dressed as he was in a dog collar and thong holding the bottle for his mistresses but that kitten with a whip Scarlett O’Hairy kept him in line. Cream Filled Buns was living up to her name by stuffing her namesakes into willing mouths. Mouthwash, visiting from LondonH3, was so delirious with joy that he offered her cash for the privilege of licking her fingers. Once the pack was able to escape the clutches of the glitter covered Circes’ they headed back to the start where more booze was available to serve as antifreeze for the evening. Refusing to give up the glitterati had brought their upside down Margarita Machine to the parking lot and set up shop. Dr. Kimble took instant advantage of the excuse to become comatose as Bag Lady was finding his explanation that he and a half naked Naked Hasher had been off in the woods together because they lost trail somewhat harder to swallow than the cream filled buns. Wankers Island appeared to have been a non*unner but he put in a creditable show as a drinker. Scarlett actually had to go back to work and he tortured her by slowly sipping cup after cup of vodka and lemonade from the Sacred Bucket. Speaking of the tortured, Pied Piper was there and he was legal, he even brought his dog and his son Zack, who announced that he wants to be like King Rongjon when he grows up. A truly admirable ambition but since the King has never grown up who’d know. Craig was the man who never was since he arrived late, headed onto trail and disappeared never to be seen again. Phone Sex insists that he’d be more at home on the X Files than at a hash. Twinkle Dick and Just Bob could have been tried and convicted for intentional liver damage they way they were sucking from the Bucket. King Rongjon deftly swung the Sword Of Power narrowly missing eviscerating Bigfoot but creating an atmosphere of respect for his Fool, Enter The Gerbil who circled the pack. Having so much personal experience with sobriety checks I R Stupid was appointed the Lord Of Sobriety Checks by his majesty. It is now I R’s duty to locate all sobriety checks scheduled for Thursdays in hash related areas and have them posted on the web page. Good luck. Lois, our Lady of Lameness, definitely was in need of such a listing. Speaking of I R he announced that Open Wide didn’t like head giving Likes To Lick a chance to get a chivalry down-down by defending her honor and denouncing I R as a liar and cad. Bigfoot had to restrain him from taking a buggy whip to I R. D’anglin A’nglin got one for having achieved mention in the Guinness Book of Records as the most off trail hasher in history. When the Sacred Bucket was produced Houseboy was concerned about how much sugar was in the lemonade but by the end of the evening Fits In was finding his drivers’ license lying on the pavement. Not to worry he wasn’t going far. In his sobriety he’d forgotten to unlock the front wheel on his motorcy. Bimbos rule. Cheers.