Run #424 The Oddest Couple

Jekyll and Hyde, Hitler and Stalin, Oscar and Felix, Fucking Pesto Chicken and any woman who’s still breathing, history has provided many an odd couple but none odder than last Thursday’s hares, King Rongjon and Snakeless. Between the two of them they could probably find the bathroom in the dark (Las Vegas odds makers are debating the issue as we speak). Snakeless has been amazingly chipper of late, perhaps because he’s actually had sex at the beginning of the 21^st Century and King Rongjon has been amazingly sullen, perhaps because he started the century sober. Oh well, that’s all in the past (especially Snakeless and sex). The hares gathered the pack at the parking lot at Land’s End promising even more beer, booze, and bawdiness than usual. The sight of the King and Snakeless sweaty and flour covered was more than enough to put the pack in sore need of religion and this was provided by Sticky Pants, Grand Mattress of the Whine and Chowder Society. It was with a tone of absolute awe that our visiting dignitary described acts she’d never dreamed possible involving body parts she was totally unaware existed. . Bag Lady, being a nurse offered to explain some of the stranger concepts at a later date and Dr. Kimble, claiming to be anatomically correct, seemed especially eager to assist. Glory Hole, her coGM , took special pleasure from her discomfort but then rumor has it he’s spread the story that Sticky Pants earned her name by sitting on an all day sucker instead of being one. Having achieved a certain religious fervor the pack was on-on in search of adventure. Trail took them across Pt. Lobos and into Sutro Heights Park where many shoes were filled with sand as the trail wound its way down and back to Ocean Beach. Uphill again to the former site of Sutro Baths then down along the cliffs and along the trail *unning under the start. By now T/BC and his faithful scouts Whippet In and Whippet Out were so far in back that a disgruntled and bored Fits In kneed him in the groin and *an off with the hounds. Rumor has it that she does the same in bed. While he lay in the fetal position choking on bile Hot Box and Mark appeared out of the bushes straightening their clothes and strolled on past toward the beer check. Roadkill and Barbie Boxx noted their behavior with distaste but then they’re married. Voyeur on the other hand leapt out of the same bushes brandishing both his camera and a wet spot on his shorts. The piss was waiting at the parking lot below the Palace of the Legion of Honor. Sure in his belief that there is no such thing as too much piss the King had three cases of Sam Adams waiting for those who may actually have worked up a thirst. Open Wide staggered in shaken by having almost been trapped on one of the sheer cliff faces. Not that she was on trail at the time. Likes To Lick needs to help her overcome this obsession with nude beaches. And her therapy seemed to be going so well. Poor Bitch In Heat he got so tanked at the beer check that he was sniffing around Sammy, Badger, and Sadie. Someone needs to tell him it’s only a name not a lifestyle, but they should wait till his face heals. Badger certainly got dinner early. Drill Me must be used to putting in stitches the way her hands fairly flew. She promised there wouldn’t be much scaring. Having done serious damage to the Sam Adams the pack was ready to turn toward home. Gentle souls that they are the hares set a trail that just back tracked on-in. Somehow McTaco missed this, could it have been all the Sam that died at his hands, and Elliot was once again seen towing his human to safety and yet more liver damage. Back at the start it was time to seriously piss off MADD and the Sacred Bucket was filled with the first of many rounds of Sea Breezes. Civilians watching the sunset fled in terror as Chickless Boner (yes, it’s finally officially been changed) donned his blue bathrobe and began begging for spare sex. Bone Marrow was appalled but then she was, foolishly, still sober. Cowlick on the other hand seemed fascinated, at least until Dick Chick told her that rumor has it that Chickless is even smaller than Shaft. Comes Slowly, having downed a bottle of the best plonk, giggled “that with him women never cum slowly they just never cum.” Or did she say that about LCB, oh well. Speaking of LCB he got his Gypsies’ 100^th *un Shirt and he’s hoping that the picture of him and the puppy will inspire at least a sympathy fuck or two. Plucky a senior Whine and Chowder wanker now living in San Diego seemed to be having a good time but it was hard to tell as so much of his time was spent face down on the tarmac, beware of the Bucket. Sucks Cock For Crack could have warned him had he still been able to speak. When last seen he was trying to ride Shaggy Dog’s motorcy sidesaddle. That’s after he tried riding Shaggy.. The King took up his Sword Of Power and Enter The Gerbil donned his Fools Cap convening the circle. By now Just Bob was just dead drunk a happy occurrence for Gerbil who was able to use the body, as a table for down-downs, waste not want not. The King declaimed a poem in honor of himself and Just Marcy fell in love all over again. It’s amazing how easily the Bucket can covert RJ into Brad Pitt. One look at Raggedy, EastbayH3, and it was clear that he’d be living up to his name in the morning. T/BC and Snakeless were punished for private partying and forced to down some Tequila Rose (tequila and strawberry liqueur). T/BC found the stuff as noxious cuming up as going down. Wankers Island was punished for missing the beer check but it seemed unfair as his excuse was that he thought the trail would be long a perfectly valid fear after D’anglin A’nglin tried to kill him the week before. Speaking of D’anglin, Scarlett O’Hairy was busy rubbing up against him to see if she could give him some of her poison oak. She gave him a woody alright but not oak. Meat Pie was commenting on how quiet Naked Hasher was when she realized he was unconscious. Not to worry Bigfoot was quick to revive him too bad she’d eaten so much salsa and chips before giving the mouth to mouth. Nutless Sac who saw it all said it looked like a bird feeding her young, but then he’s into biology. Olymprick and Piss Poor visiting from the AberdeenH3 made it clear that they planned to leave their livers if not their hearts in San Francisco. They were crashing with the King both literally and figuratively. Never having sampled the Bucket before Ass Finder from the White HouseH4 was having trouble finding his own. Odd since he had no trouble finding Pussy Whistle’s whose he was following like a beacon in the night. By this point No Hands could have been called legless. Meat Pie had him in the back of the car and Sammy in the front (Sammy being less likely to upchuck). Scott from the New York CityH3, they don’t name ‘em there, was still sober enough to be thinking about Phone Sex but by then phone is the only kind of sex she could have had and that would have been garbled. Just Carolyn doesn’t drink but Dickless Namehole was doing it for both of them. Wiping tear from her eye Carolyn allowed as how it would be another Thursday when he’d live up to his name. Speaking of living up to their names, the kind of shape Jackoff was in he’d be living up to his if he expected any lovin’ when he got home. Dog Dish was back from Arkansas and was disappointed he couldn’t find any cousins to hump but was willing to make Dick Chick an honorary relative. Those who could still move made their way to Lada Thai for food and yet more beer. All’s well that ends. Cheers.