Run # 447 … And Things That Go Hump in the Night

Like Scrooge holding Christmas the Gypsies hold Halloween in their hearts, this explains what they were doing in costume wreaking havoc in pubs across the city a week early. That grand ghoul Shithead once again laid the trail that allowed the Gypsies to lay themselves waste. Our hare gathered the pack at Duboce Park at Steiner and Duboce choosing a location that assured everyone a chance to partake of parking hell. Just Catherine, EBH3, handled the Sacred Missal with aplomb. Reading an entirely new and very heterosexual page she left the pack panting for more. Our priestess of the evening was dressed as a school girl complete with white socks and pony tails sending D’anglin Anglin into paroxysms of pleasure. D’anglin has one of the finest collections of school girl porn in North America and spent the rest of the evening finding excuses to stare up Catherine’s little plaid skirt. By the end of the evening the pain in his neck was so severe that he had to turn to Cream Filled Buns for assistance. Dressed as a nurse, all white except for that dangerously black bra, our blonde member of the healing profession gave him a neck rub that was so erotic that Detachable Penis from Long BeachH3 had an orgasm just watching. From the start it was a long sequence of flour to the first pub Moby Dick’s. The walk was so long that it left Nutless Sac both limp and limping. The good news is that his Peruvian peasant costume complete with blacked out teeth earned him enough sympathy and spare change from passers by to pay for a round. The sight of Beats Me in her belly dancer costume raised Nutless from the ashes, well one part of him, anyway, rose to the occasion turning his poncho into a tent. Moby may have been a Gay bar but the patrons were not very happy. Even Semen Monster dressed as Tinker Bell complete with lighting on her wings sliding sensuously up and down a pole couldn’t cheer this set of sad sacks and if a fairy can’t cheer up a ….well you get the drift. Hitting the flour, or was that anthrax, trail once again the pack worked up another thirst by the time it reached The Phoenix. The Phoenix saw the appearance of Dr. Kimble and Bag Lady dressed as Ike and Tina Turner. Those crazy kids, verisimilitude being so important Dr. Kimble had actually provided Bag Lady with a real black eye and loosened two of her teeth. Isn’t it great when someone takes the whole costume idea seriously? Always conscious of our civic duty the Gypsies provided their own hazmat team of Bigfoot and Enter The Gerbil in full regalia to purify Shithead’s trail as the pack followed it. What they charged the city for their services allowed the *un to be free. Onward ever onward in search of alcohol the pack wended its way to Albion where King Rongjon was holding court dressed as a thug. Looking remarkably unlike Marlon Brando in On the Waterfront our leather clad King dominated the pub through the sheer force of his character. The alcohol fumes wafting from his mouth sent at least two patrons directly to AA. A short stop at the Albion was followed by a much longer stop at the Zeitgeist. Even the walk over proved eventful. While strolling through the Mission, Wankers Island convinced so many locals that he was the reincarnation of Pancho Villa that he now has his own political party. We should be chanting “Viva Wankers.” Likes To Lick in his dreds was trying to convince Open Wide, dressed as a very bare Lady of Liberty, to light his torch, not very successfully. Fits In as a faceless ghost actually reduced one of the drunker patrons to tears. On the other hand it just reminded I R Stupid of a number of women he’d dated. Dick Chick eschewing a costume was there with her Denver delight Pedro. Sad to say Denver turned into a dud and Dick Chick kicked his damp backed sorry ass over the border and back to Colorado. Never mess with a horny harriette. While the darker spots in the garden area might not be as handy for sex as the stacks Tits For Hire dressed as the Lonely Librarian was making efficient use of them to explain the delights of the Kama Sutra to Just Doug. How erudite we Gypsies are. Shithead dressed for an evening in the Caribbean got easier in the islands as the evening wore on. By Zeitgeist time he was busy trying to convince Lois Lame, dressed as a real Gypsy, to check out his not crystal balls. Martuni’s was the next stop on the long march and martinis were poured onto the solid foundation of beer leading to the usual results. That masked man Twinkle Dick decided to fondle the skeletal remains of Phone Sex with special attention to her breast bone. Rhett Butthole borrowing a page from Scarlett seduced Just Jean and Just Tish into joining the parade. By the time the pack moved on to Toronado Just Tish had decided she loved a man in uniform so much that she was going to get Rhett out of his. The men’s room at Toronado will never be the same. Since Just Tish is an editor she can help Rhett with his book on how to fill an empty stall. Tongueless dressed in a full on shark suit was busy circling a number of the patronesses looking for a little blood in the water but no one was that drunk. Those who could still stagger made their way back to Duboce Park where the Sacred Bucket was filled with vodka tonics and two bottles of champers were provided for best costumes. All the alcohol was consumed and hangovers were guaranteed. Also guaranteed was a visit by SF’s finest. Last Thursday night saw the pack visited three times by the minions of the law. The first visit was to announce that a hazmat team had been called out to test the trail. Tongueless at his most guileful sent them home happy with a drunken apology that provided Enter The Gerbil with much glee. The second time was just to see if we still lived. The third time was to look on in awe as many of the pack were still standing and consuming alcohol. The third visit necessitated Tongueless having a long chat with the officers who finally admitted that there had not been a hazmat callout but that they’d heard of the Gypsies and were having some laughs at our expense. The conversation included them asking if we stay out this late every Thursday and get this drunk. It ended with much rolling of their eyes and laughing. Boo! Cheers.