Run #463 Some Redheaded Sluts

What a confluence of events; Valentine’s Day, the Chinese Year of the Whores, and Likes To Lick’s Bday all cuming together at the same time. Combine this with the fact that the Gypsies had received a terrorist warning from the Ayatollah Throbbing Vessel himself alerting virgins to save their souls by avoiding the infidel pleasures of hashing. Actually the warning had been delivered by his long suffering wife Gets It In The End at his behest. Well, fatwa’s be damned, the Gypsies are nothing if not brave. Our hares of the evening Handjob For Humanity and SCAF decided to twist the tail of the mad mullah by declaring this a Red Dress *un making his vessel throb even more at the thought of manly men in minis. Being cheap as well as short of both guts and nuts the Ayatollah was spotted at the Macy’s Red Tag sale stocking up on burkhas for his daughters rather than ranting at the *un. At great personal risk Gets It In The End went over the wall of the seraglio and disguised as a dancing girl opted for a night of pleasure with her friends. Not only did she dis the silly sheik on her own but jamming a thumb in his all seeing eye made virgins Amy, Chris, and Pat cum. It was a night for newcumers. Lois Lame pitched Just Randy and Just Sunny into the Gypsies pot and the pot turned lucky with Just Sunny providing a stimulating reading of the Sacred Missal. Tits 4 Hire looking mighty slinky in a red sheath number made Just Ira cum in the hopes that he’d do the same for her later. Even the hares couldn’t resist they made Just Jim cum. Six Million Won Man just out of the Army made himself cum. Son Of Shit and Voyeur were there but of course they’ve never made anyone cum. Dick Chick came but couldn’t stay as she was off to cum again, she hoped, but she made sure Open Wide got where she was going. What a friend. The parking lot in front of Red’s Java House on the Embarcadero and Bryant was a sea of red, period. The only sore thumbs were the sadly color blind and fashion unconscious Shithead and Glory Hole who opted for showing up dressed in blue. One wonders if their coordination was an accident or is there a new coo some twosome in the offing. Valentine’s Day saw the transformation of Xena The Warrior Princess into Cupid. There he was wings, halo, and all but instead of a bow (he wasn’t interested in another weapons charge) he was handing out heart shaped Viagra tabs. One can only ponder the meaning of Bag Lady shoveling them into her handbag while gazing into Dr. Kimble’s eyes. The Sacred Missal having provided its usual enlightenment the pack was on-on. As the hounds cruised down the Embarcadero patrons of Gordon Biersch leaned over the deck to slap high fives and applaud the comic clothes horses as they raced by. Bedecked in a Tina Turner wig and looking like all 101 Dalmatians stuffed in a red sausage casing Tongueless came in for a fair share of the customers’ laughter. As blinded by the wig as he usually is by his ego he found it necessary to shear his locks and pass them back to Fits In who was dashing along in a red smock that included pockets. The wig poking out caused some dismay in passers by as they thought it was small animal. Speaking of animals, the night of love saw some gnashing of teeth between Bite Size and Whippet Out. The perennially on the rag Bite Size pushed WO just once to often and his response sent her flying into the arms of Drill Me who suddenly found herself looking like a statue of the Madonna and Child that could be found at Petco. Trail took the pack to Walton Park where a Jell-O check provided enough alcohol to inspire the pack to move on to the promised beer check. Winding its way through North Beach and Chinatown the trail allowed tourists and locals alike to feast their eyes on Chickless Boner looking like a transvestite from the antebellum South. He charged through the city in a red taffeta number that exposed his shoulders and the rest of him to well deserved ridicule. Somewhere along here Tits 4 Hire decided that the trail should go through the Tenderloin so she led the lemmings on a long cut completely lacking in marks. Well as the hash saying goes “If you will lead they will follow.” The promised beer check took place at South Park just a hop, skip, and flounce from the start. When the pack regrouped the parking lot at Red’s resembled menstruation manor as the sea of red ebbed and flowed around the Sacred Bucket filled with Red Headed Sluts. Our HJH and SCAF concocted the poisonous punch from cranberry juice, Jaegermeister, and peach Schnapps. The punch was potent enough to turn heads and ankles. The evening wore on and even Whippet In and Whippet Out were wearing red when the sloppy slurpers dumped drinks as they dropped to the tarmac. Muff Snatcher was one of the first to fall. Only later did it become clear that he spent the time on his back looking up Beats Me’s short red skirt. Photo ops abounded. Gored Bush was equally seductive in her red vinyl slut suit and the T-shirt notifying the world that she was “Good Pussy.” Deep in her cups and half our of her red toga Scarlett O’Hairy made it very clear to Broken Trojan that she wouldn’t mind a little horsing around. Just Carolyn ended up on the ground not from alcohol but from Rhett Butthole toppling over her; at least the pack was able to see that in her case the rug matched the drapes. When a Butthole falls there is a sound. A cantankerous King Rongjon finally agreed to administer down-downs when Enter The Gerbil put a gun to his head and cocked the hammer. Sword Of Power in hand the King delivered down-downs and a Bday poem for Likes To Lick while Bigfoot acting like a giant red Corgi herded miscreant private partiers towards the circle. Awards were presented for a number of obscure things mainly to do with dress or lack thereof. Scrotum was occupied trying to convince Manhandler to make Red Headed Slut more than just a drink, unsuccessfully. Rug Burns put in an appearance escaping her Ayatollah by tunneling out of the cage. Phone Sex offered to hide her but Rug Burns eventually returned to durance vile because she had nothing to wear. Gets It In The End supplied a cake for LTL with enough sugar to guarantee continued fermentation of the alcohol and Open Wide kept pouring those Sluts down his throat like Love Potion Number Nine. When she wasn’t trying to live out liquor is quicker she was busy passing out Valentines. Sadly some love went unrequited. Nutless Sac wearing a red sheath Carmen Miranda reject with elbow length demigloves and a dreadlocks wig was found weeping over the lose of virgin Just Mark who he’d made cum. By the time Just Mark reappeared Nutless’ mascara was hopelessly smeared and fearing rejection he hid in his truck. No one could understand how Just Mark could have spent so much time on trail until he unbuttoned his cleavage and all those quarters dropped out. Wow and the trail never went anywhere near the Castro. At this point Xena morphed again this time from Cupid to your kindly old pedophile padre and Sacred Bucket in hand he began ladling out absolution to the sinners while copping an occasional feel. The pack eventually invaded the Curve Bar which now requires extensive renovation. Ah, those Ladies in red. Cheers.