Run #489 AAARGH!

Fucking Pesto Chicken is gone but not forgotten. His legacy lives on as proved by last Thursday’s trail set by Scarlett O’Hairy. Our hare’s performance was perfectly pitched to have aroused the petulant rage for which Pesto was so famous. Keys, hats, and water bottles pounded the pavement in an exhibition of childishness that would have brought a tear to the eye of its preeminent proponent, Pesto. Our hare also supplied caps that could be hurled to the ground causing them to explode just like Pesto used to. Serving as a stand in for the missing rage master Son of Shit held his breath until he turned purple providing an amazing imitation of the master himself. All this before the Sacred Missal was even read. A brilliant evening was in the offing. The AtlantaH3 supplied Toys For Twats a willowy bit of blondeness whose reading left Just Doesn’t Get It even hornier than usual and Napoleon Bonerdog even more afraid to go home with him. An ugly rumor has it that Just Doesn’t and Mutant Queen Jumper are fighting over rights to Beasty Boy. Rhett Butthole has volunteered to probe the question and get down to the bottom of it. Scarlett successfully avoided being at the start of the trail insisting that she and Rhett were needed at the beer check. Without a bevy of shortcuts available Nutless Sac and Esther decided to not bother trying to walk the trail but instead practice some of the more arcane positions suggested by the Sacred Missal. Tongueless, a man who knows no fear brought his boss, Just Carol to the hash and she volunteered to stay back and read the directions as the copulating couple attempted to assume the positions. While Nutless’ windows were getting fogged the rest of the pack was finding that they hadn’t the foggiest notion of where trail went. D’anglin Anglin was in heaven trying to use a divining rod to find trail but it just led him to every water fountain on the route. At one point it led him to Poops In The Pool’s ass, an embarrassing moment for both of them but a thrilling one for all the tourists. The only thing Muff Snatcher was following was Dick Chick’s butt so trail was of no concern to him. His constant pursuit may explain the false trail mark on her tights. Frustrated and lost Sniff My Box found herself at Coit Tower where she was shocked to see her equally lost co-Whine & Chowder Society GM Wankee Doodle tearfully amusing himself by choking the chicken. Shock and Coit Tower seemed to go together as Handjob For Humanity *unning through the brush leading up to the tower fainted after seeing Fuck Me, Father in a bestiality’s best boys moment with Libby and a tube of liver paste. When HJH told Fits In the story she just laughed and said Whippet In and Whippet Out have been doing it for years. Ears suddenly perked up. Eyeing the long tongued Bite Size Drill me pulled Fits aside and inquired as to a purchase point for said liver paste. There was a beer check and a drink check, hey the hares swear there was and they’ve even been able to cloud a few minds like DipC Shit’s, well in his case cloud might not be necessary. Rumor has it he has his address tattooed on his palm in case he gets lost, it must be painful when he moves. Still all those unopened liquor bottles in Rhett’s car must mean something. Speaking of liquor the Gypsies can be proud of the eleven gallons they consumed last week, nine of piss and two from the Sacred Bucket. The Sacred Bucket was brimming with a special potable that she has since dubbed Fits In’s Own. Suffice it to say that the CHP has denounced it and MADD has increased the price on her head. Unfair, unfair for instance how could Cup Cake get a DUI when he spent the night asleep on the roof of his car? Imagine his shock when he awoke arms around Splat. Like politics the Bucket makes for strange bedfellows. Seeing Splat climb onto the roof Udder Moron announced just how happy he is to ride a motor cy. It was so potent that an emboldened Chickless Boner propositioned Escrowtum… and she was still breathing. Happily she’d consumed so much of the Bucket that her right cross missed by a mile. Ministering angel Little Beef, well known Whine & Chowder wankerette, sought to succor him by clasping him to her ample bosom. Luckily Phone Sex noticed him turning blue and he was freed from her embrace before irreparable brain damage occurred. Little Beef next turned her attention to Go Nad who ran shrieking to Bigfoot for assistance. Forming an impenetrable wall she and Enter The Gerbil stood fast and saved Go Nad from becoming yet another fly to her spider. By evenings end McTaco and Elliot had traded leash ends. Who would have thought McT could catch a Frisbee in his mouth? Somewhere into his fifth cup of punch Rainman looked down and decided the Bucket was better than Viagra. Twinkle Tits just smiled. Recently married Dickless Namehole was spotted siphoning it into a bottle for when he got home. The Gypsies’ slip of a King, Rongjon took the Sword Of Power and declared the circle convened then proceeded to give Likes To Lick his 100^th *un Shirt with a poem that brought a tear to the big lug’s eye. Of course the tear might also have been caused by laughter at the shirt Open Wide also received. Provided by Fuck Me, Father it portrayed LTL as an albino and OW as the woman who wasn’t there. Speaking of white men Mr. Bone Jangles was busy proving a racial stereotype by trying to teach Tongueless to dance. Boulder Holder shook so hard with laughter that her swaying breasts stunned Thumper. On the topic of breasts Das Poop was certainly interested in the fine pair attached to Just Nadia a lamb to the slaughter proffered by Spanks For The Mammaries. The King summoned Pig Boner visiting from Atlanta for the signal honor of reading from the Male Missal. Pig Boner exhibited an unhealthy interest in some of the more bizarre activities discussed in the manly text. Tongueless relieved him of his shorts to the applause of the throng and the consternation of Toys For Twats. Spotting a late arriving Motor Mount Pump Fake called him over observing that someone whose member is smaller than the Canuck’s had finally been found. The halt, the lame, and the blind made their way to Pier 23 to round out the evening. Yet another shitty trail rode into the moon rise. Cheers.