When the Piñata Pounded Back!

Choke Me, Daddy and Exaggerated Crack laid the Gypsies’ trail on Cinco De Mayo and chose to bring the pack together at Aquatic Park on Van Ness. Regardless of what Just Julie swears she heard from Just Simon, who she says is a good dog and wouldn’t lie, Who’s Your Daddy didn’t force EC and CMD to “volunteer” to lay the trail. No, they did it laughing and singing and happy to pop their cherry on Cinco. The Outbeer slid into a space and the keg of  Lagunitas Little Sumpin’ Sumpin’ was tapped. Blow Queen Teslaed into a space, he insists Mr. Musk will pay for the free publicity, and disgorged visitors from the PatayaH3 in Thailand, Pole Fucker and Cum Boy. The EastbayH3 sent Just Get It Over With, a notorious pounder of just about anything. Adopt A Pussy was displeased with the piss since LSS upsets his sensitive tummy but Backside Banger convinced him to stay since they could stop at so many bars along trail and still enjoy the Sacred Bucket! BB can be a strong advocate where alcohol is concerned. Pole Fucker, a plummy accented Brit, took up the Male Missal and preached the pack a sermon that was quintessentially San Franciscan even though it took place in Oz. Hand Pump wiped a tear from his eye as he mumbled how much he loved this city and the ways of its denizens! The hares provided a chalktalk and sent the pack off in search of flour. Pole Fucker chose to accompany Wash This Asshole believing that WTA had some sense of direction. What a salesman WTA is! The Lost Patrol wandered off on their own actually following marks. Trail led across Van Ness and the open field to the stairs that led to Black Point Historic Gardens. The trail was long up the stairs and up the everything else to Franklin St. and a romp through the Ft. Mason area and its hostels. As they passed the Madonna sculpture, Chickenboner once again pointed out how much it resembled her! Jack The Ripper fell over laughing leading Dr. Kimble to check him for damage. Twinkle Dick wondered aloud as to why that required a prostate exam! Eventually trail left the Ft. Mason area and continued on Bay St. and a romp through Russian Hill. The pack was treated to marks that took them into the new Russian Hill Park. Our hares texted Tongueless the location of their drink check and, well you already know, that he misread the clear map and instead led his intrepid band consisting of Fits In and Pole Fucker along with Twink down Larkin and across Beach St. As they shout down the steps of the Aquatic Park bleachers Manhole shouted that he could hear the keg calling his name! These lost souls, having missed the drink check, were the FRBs. As those who could actually find the drink check, most, began arriving in dribs and drabs. The piñata shaped oddly enough as a Tequila Bottle, Patron, was carried over to the hanging tree of choice. This being the Gypsies the rope holding the piñata couldn’t be tossed over the preferred branch but WYD decided that if the rope was wrapped around a rock it would sail right over and it did, on the fourth try. The keg was put under the Cloak of Invisibility and the table set with Vitamin J and a Sacred Bucket filled with Fits In’s Margaritas. AAP was particularly gleeful about that. The Sword Of Power appeared for whacking the shit out of the piñata and a blindfold for the whackers was proffered. First whackers were of course our hares, and both made insanely vain efforts to even contact the piñata. Spinning them around after all the alcohol probably didn’t help. Next up was Pole Fucker, tall and broad and totally incompetent where piñata whacking is concerned. Cum Boy actually achieved contact, bless her soul. Whackers went up and whackers came down but the piñata hung high. WTA was concerned that a whacker might hit the tree trunk and break the Sword. WTA’s zodiac sign should be a “Caution Sign”, he worries about so many things that no one else needs to. AABBAA took up the Sword and at least hit something. The only thing Cheese Turd hit was the Bucket and he hit that repeatedly. Pied Piper stayed above the fray calmly doing his part to empty the keg. Thanks to the Bucket, Phone Sex was naturally blindfolded, and it showed. 5150 was just plain legless, so you can guess the rest. Just Get It Over With was determined to live up to her name and she bashed the hell out of that piñata but to no avail…until she chopped off the handle attached to the rope then beat it into submission as it lay on the sidewalk. T finally ripped it apart and out came all those chocolate candies and flavored condoms! JGIOW dropped to her knees and scooped as many condoms as her hands could hold, she was having guests and wanted to be a perfect hostess. Others stuffed their pockets with candy then turned their attention to growlers. The keg went down fighting and the Bucket was empty no matter how many times it was refilled. As the Outbeer was preparing to leave WTA leaned in to tell Fits In where the SFPD usually had sobriety checks, “Caution, Will Robinson”. Great virgin lay by Choke Me, Daddy and Exaggerated Crack. Cheers.