Run #1498 Holding the Breakers at Bay!

Chickenboner the Gypsies’ own little Queen chose to provide a trail filled with brilliant views of the city’s glorious bay and Golden Gate Bridge for those enamored with the return of the Bay 2 Breakers weekend. The supposed influx of out of towners was grossly overrated unless, of course you count Butt Plug Fred and She Comes So Often from the East BayH3 as out of towners. Of course, CSO was there to peddle socks and hoped that BPF would get wallets open with his modeling. CSO was sorely disappointed both by her model and by all those closed wallets. To be completely fair it should be mentioned that Six Of Nine, a true blast from the SVH3 past, was there and he had to come from the peninsula and both Ice Box and Hot Dick, only recently able to escape Oz, stopping over on the way to Incline. There was indeed one true foreign devil, Just Charles from that hell in the northwest, Seattle! JC was the beneficiary of all those condoms Just Get It Over With took home from the Gypsies’ Cinco de Mayo trail and she only had to cart them over to the East Bay. Our hare gathered the pack at the parking lot for the Palace of the Legion of Honor on El Camino Del Mar the usual site for this particular trail since the views are spectacular. Speaking of spectacular there were 2 kegs of beer, Lagunitas IPA and Hazy Wonder just in case there was a huge pack. Hand Pump brought his jockey box and cups then made the mistake of handing his spare key to Tongueless the human Bermuda Triangle. Those who filled the parking lot were busy pounding the piss and not bothering to take in the views since they were shivering thanks to the weather. In an effort to put that shivering to use Just Charles led the pack in prayer as he intoned a homily from the Unknown Missal. Choke Me, Daddy, an animal activist, was pleased to hear JC discussing “furry beaver” in a religious way. With little more fanfare our hare sent the pack off to enjoy the views without plunging off the cliffs. Trail left the parking lot and took the pack down innumerable steps to the Coastal Trail. When he saw the trail dropping away before him Bitches Bitch was ecstatic, knowing that at least one of the halt, lame and/or bombed in the Lost Patrol would need rescue. Sadly, for him the LP consisted only of T and Fits In and FI had her whip to keep the coward moving. Trail was well marked and those who stayed on it were promised a beer check. Not being the most trustful of souls Adopt A Pussy and Backside Banger hied themselves to the closest bar where they could enjoy the views. Manhole was determined to r*n the trail, but the hills reminded him of his mortality that the keg had let him forget. The Coastal Trail crossed the Lands End Trail and the views of the bay got even better. By the time he rounded Deadman’s Point, Closet Twitcher was wishing he’d stayed in the closet and not metaphorically! Our hare had Deschutes Fresh Squeezed waiting for the pack at the viewing spot Eagles Point. Lois Lame was slowed by Bitches Bitch insisting on rescuing her, from what, well, um, you’d have to ask him! Trail turned upward and joined El Camino Del Mar and was a cruise back to the start. As usual the pack regrouped in dribs and drabs. The Outbeer was moved to bring everything closer to some stone tables and they were covered with the Vitamin J and Sacred Bucket filled with River Madness. Hand Pump’s beer van was reopened by T, who at that point still remembered he had a key. It was a fight to the death over the tap between Wash This Asshole and King Bed Bug but KBB squashed him like a bug. Not that it was cold, but the wind turned 5 Angry Inches into a paraglider, if Cockulus Oculus hadn’t grabbed his ankles there’s no telling what might have happened. Our hare provided a jug of hot chocolate to go with the turkey rollups she also provided. Just Ted AKA The Other Bastard averred that we were not worthy and he was right!

Cupcakes went the way of all flesh, mostly into T’s mouth. Lois Lame criticized BB for not rescuing more of the veggie rollups. Pied Piper was content to just consume whatever alcohol happened to be close at hand. Exaggerated Crack was so cold that the crack started to close! Who’s Your Daddy spent most of his time at the beer van trying to achieve equilibrium by getting as cold inside as he was outside, and Chicken Boner was driving anyway! Jack The Ripper finished trail before BB could head out to rescue him, not that he needed it. One Night Only stayed long enough to consume a smorgasbord of the consumables then gave in to the cold. Do Her Well and Just Doesn’t Get It got away well before they got cold. Dr. Kimble made it through, barely, the desultory Circle that T convened while waving the Sword Of Power. Tri Crapalete was satisfied that he wouldn’t need to eat when he got home. Our hare did a brilliant job and took care of the pack’s almost every need and then it just got cold. Cheers.