Run #405 Starting the New Year Tight

Just Ron, but not for long, was brave enough to offer to hare the first trail of the new year and new millennium. Just goes to show ya that I R ain’t the only stupid one. The pack gathered at 9^th Ave. and Lincoln in Golden Gate Park looking forward to being hideously lost on a virgin lay. McTaco strongly recommended Chick Dick a Whine and Chowder wankerette as the lay preacher for the evening and Sacred Missal in hand she preached a sermon about Elliot’s “club.” McTaco was inundated by hash bims asking if his Elliot was as hung. Disappointment reigned with the reply and the horny harriettes were among the first to be on-on. Trail started in the park and headed through the Academy of Sciences compound and the Shakespeare Garden eventually it was lost near Kezar Stadium where headless chickens rampaged in search of nonexistent marks. Just Ron was auto sweeping able to send the pack on its way. A check at Kezar sent McTaco and Scabass Faggot on a long journey to nowhere. The rest of the pack staggered on in search of a mythic beer check. The fabled brews were finally located at the top of the sandhill at Golden Heights Park. Duncan and Parker thinking that there might be treats as well as piss dragged a puffing T/BC up the stairs. Near death by the time he reached the top his life was saved by Fits In shoving a nitro pill down his throat followed by an icy brew. Errors in judgement assured a continuous line of stragglers all in search of the magic elixir. By the time Scabass Faggot finally reached the top Handjob For Humanity had given up hope that he would ever be there to help thaw her frozen nipples. What goes up has to cum down and the cold wind assured a quick decent down the other side of the hill. From there it was a short sprint back to the start and the Sacred Thermi filled with hot chocolate to mix with the Peppermint Schnapps and Irish Cream to hold back the night. Bigfoot once again avoided the sordid *unning aspect of the evening but arrived in time for the drinking portion. Semenhole had his hands full with Llyr deciding to challenge every other dog to pawo a pawo combat to the death. Sammy and Badger made short shrift of the macho minimutt. In a foolish attempt to assuage his ego Llyr then nipped at Bigfoot’s ankle, the resulting belch registered a 6.5 on the Richter Scale and sent the repentant hound off with this tail between his legs. No Hands and Drill Me took their respective combatants off to lick their wounds and dream rabbit dreams. Meat Pie clogging her arteries with Irish Cream floated above the entire contretemps. Boneless Chicken found the potables to his liking and was soon exuding an overpowering scent of peppermint. By the time he tried to cajole Pussy Whistle, yet another Whine & Chowder Society bim, into doing some pussy whistling she was too pissed to pucker. The Gypsies being an ideal society for meaningless debate got to hear the debate between Open Wide and Just Matt over whether it had been colder in Minnesota or Ottawa over New Years. Just the thought of how cold those places are sent Naked Hasher dashing off to his car and a warm house. The debate ended when they realized that they were not keeping up with the traffic to the Sacred Thermi. Down-downs were administered by the Sword Of Power wielding Prince Regent Enter The Gerbil while the still teetotaling King Rongjon slunk off to his Women’s Christian Temperance Meeting. Sword in hand Gerbil brought the hare to his knees as Just Ron and raised him up as Sucks Cock For Crack a new member of the Order of the Sleepless Nights. Sucks can thank Jackoff for his new nom de hashing. While he was at it Gerbil also finally anointed Dickless Namehole with that as a permanent name. Comes Slowly nearly choked on her wine as she covered Sadie’s virginal ears. Phone Sex found herself having to calm down Just Pete by convincing him that Sucks was just a name and not a promise. Scarlett O’Hairy was heard lamenting that there were too many Sucks and not enough Licks in hashing. Clothes Horse offered to have his name changed but to no avail and Just Don told her she could call him anything she wanted and he’d live up to the name. Who or what the hell is Craig? Glory Hole arrived in civvies while the park was being policed and joined the drinkers at the Little Shamrock for even more piss. Such is the power of alcohol.. Happy New Year.