Run #451 Revenge of the Fat Man and the Cripple

All the little weather bunnies were prancing across TV screens screaming “danger, danger, big storm.” Oh what fools these mortals be to think that the Hashing Gods would allow it to rain on a Gypsy parade. Thursday dawned crystal clear, sunny and warm promising a splendid day for the Ninth Anal Turkey Trots. A weekend pubbing in London followed by two weeks as a phlegm factory had left Tongueless seriously debilitated so that every step was torture. Nutless Sac enjoying the show insisted on smiting the poor unfortunate lunger with the bag of flour while Tongueless begged for the mercy of a .22 behind the ear. While this was going on the turkeys had gathered at the parking lot at Ft. Cronkite by Rodeo Beach. Newboot Just Linda was asked to handle religion but one look at the Sacred Missal left Ms. Goody Two Shoes’ face as purple as her color coordinated jogging attire. Not only was she foreign to U.S. soil but apparently foreign to the concept of fun. Her behavior was blight on the Aussie flag. Luckily her husband, Dumb Bastard, apparently named soon after other hashers met his wife, had no such qualms and provided a reading that while doing nothing for Enter The Gerbil, produced certain dampness in the loins of Bigfoot. The hares arrived just in time to wish the pack a pleasant jaunt. Off shot the pack up the Coastal Trail. Shithead, who never met a false trail he didn’t need to follow, explored the falsie at the first check. While the hares were toasting their survival they were able to watch the pack inch its way uphill. The lure of a Sacred Bucket filled with Bloody Marys proved to be too much for Chickless Boner who short cut the trail and instantly began drowning his sorrows which as everyone knows are many. True trail took the pack up to the pass where the Coastal Trail joins Wolfback Ridge. For those who needed even more altitude gain a check and back check double whammy sent those foolish enough to fall for it to the old Nike site on Hill 88. Even Half Moon from HoustonH4 who redefines the concept of anal didn’t feel a need to move those extra yards. Sadly this threw off the plot he was making with his GPS the guilt being almost too much to bare he felt it necessary to punish himself by being an FRB. Fits In using Whippet In and Whippet Out to propel her up the trail found herself going down the Miwok Trail even faster under pooch power. Whippet In and Whippet Out thought it great fun to play crack the whip with Fits In nearly turning her into a wingless hang glider on a number of the curves. Half Moon and our lemon sucking Aussie were first back to the Bucket but the rest of pack was hard on their heels. As the pack began dumping alcohol into its system our visitor watched with an expression akin to what one might see on Jerry Falwell while visiting Bondage a Go Go. Dumb Bastard needs to explain to her that as long as she doesn’t drink that’s as good as she’s going to feel. Enter The Gerbil still acting as the King’s Fool called a circle to order and administered down-downs. By this time Nutless Sac had beat a hasty retreat back to the arms or other areas of his wife and Tongueless was forced to drink for both hares. Enough alcohol entered his system to leave him both the Fat Man and the Cripple. Enough Bloodies went into Comes Happily also from HoustonH4 to assure Half Moon that he wouldn’t need to expend much effort for her to live up to her name. As more and more cups o punch entered her system Comes Slowly found herself moving not just slowly but erratically. As she zoomed around the parking lot looking for the road more traveled a number of civilians were seen to faint dead away. Lois Lame was shocked to find out that with Tongueless’ assistance her crotch could speak and when last seen she and it were deep in alcohol fueled conversation. Those who foolishly added the hot sauce provided by Fits In were later found at the edge of the beach allowing waves to break into their flaming mouths. As the Sacred Bucket emptied the turkeys went off to gobble at other locations. Cheers,