Run #452 Crazy Bob Kicks the Bucket

First Bitch In Heat breaks his leg now Just Bob kicks the Bucket what’s next? People have come to expect the unexpected from an I R Stupid trail and last week provided an example of why. Our hare chose 12^th Ave. and Cragmont at Golden Gate Heights Park an area only slightly harder to find than Atlantis. Rumor has it that the next Indiana Jones movie will be based on the search for the start by Nutless Sac and Tongueless. As the pack gathered the air was stiff with testosterone as the civilizing influence of estrogen was sorely lacking. Just about the time Shaggy Dog was starting to talk about turning Chickless Boner into his bitch Drill Me and Badger arrived precluding an ugly scene, although D’anglin Anglin seemed really disappointed. Lois Lame arrived and instantly announced that her crotch would remain silent this week much to the chagrin of Shithead who’d hoped to engage it in a deep and meaningful conversation. After a litany of mistakes regarding the piss Nutless Sac redeemed himself by procuring Just Jennifer. Actually pimping might be a better word since I could have retired on his ill gotten gains the way the likes of LCB and McTaco responded to this little hottie. Snakeless alone bought fifty tickets for Nutless’ raffle. Not to be outdone Tits 4 Hire tossed Just Dave into the pot for the delight of the Gypsies’ bimbos but ended up taking him home herself. Apparently Just Dave wasn’t interested in going home with Broken Trojan. But back to Just Jennifer who understanding the Gypsies’ deep felt need for religion gave a stirring reading from the Sacred Missal. Just Vadia a Chickless Boner clone was so overcum that he had to be carried to Chickless’ car where he spent the rest of the evening in a catatonic state. On that note the pack was off. I R S announced to the non *unners that this was the shortest trail he’d ever set but that overcum with guilt he’d made it among the hilliest. Sister Mary, of the Silicone ValleyH3 convent, arrived late and trundled off after the pack having been provided suitably obscure instructions by the now drunken hare. Latex Dreams and Just Charlene also arrived late and turned a blind eye to the offers of alcohol, chocolate, and nylons blandished by the drunken and horny non*unners preferring a late start on the trail to a romp in Nutless’ truck. True to his word I R S’s trail went wherever up went. The pack found itself climbing steps to reach the top of the Sunset only to find the trail went straight down the other side. Those with even a modicum of common sense could have avoided the experience by just going around the hill. Needless to say the entire pack climbed and descended. Johnny Moronic back from New York for a visit found himself slogging along with Thumper and Dr. Kimble. Their discussion of the joys of married life soon segued into a discussion of spousal insurance policies and alibis, ah true love. All things being finite even I R’s hills ended and the pack settled in for long siege of the Sacred Bucket filled with rum, cider, and brandy a combination guaranteed to take the chill out of the body and put the fog into the brain. Scarlett O’Hairy who’d arrived in a loudly throbbing diesel truck was soon being chatted up by Just Hans who offered her a chance to get something else throbbing between her legs but Scarlett was in no shape for a ride on his bike. Barely able to stand she did coyly inquire into any ability he might have to throb while lying down. Just Jennifer was still attracting flies. Naked Hasher allowed as how there might be snow on the roof but a fire still burned in the fireplace. Glancing down at his shorts Jennifer replied that he could get a better fire going with a log than twigs. It wasn’t proving a good evening for Whine & Chowder Society escapees, Pump Fake was desperately chatting up Semen Monster when she suddenly reached down grabbed and declared his pump a fake. Muff Snatcher arrived with high hopes of living up to his name but failed to even get a flash let alone a snatch of snatch. Glory Hole avoided the whole issue by spending the evening chatting up his hand. Sadly his hand was more interested in Just Rich who failed to return the interest. No Hands had his hands full keeping Sammy from eating Solo. Snakeless would have had a problem explaining to Captain Dickhead how his dog ended up in Sammy’s tummy. On the other hand since Captain Dickhead can barely remember his own name he may not have remembered he even had a dog. Enter The Gerbil declared the circle joined and began dolling out down-downs. Open Wide received one for not being able to distinguish between a head band and a jog bra. Next time she’ll just let Likes To Lick strap her down with duct tape like he offered. The Just Jason Stupid Watch continues. It could be that Just Jason is just vanilla. Bigfoot finally got her 100^th Shirt the picture giving a whole new meaning to cheesy. Those few stupid enough to waste there time doing 200 or more Gypsy trails finally received some recognition in the form of a folding chair when what they really needed was a life. The evening ended with a bizarre and painful turn of events. King Rongjon stepped to the podium and began reciting a prose poem written to glorify the location. The sound of his voice sent Rhett Butthole into a seizure, as Rhett fell to the ground Bag Lady leapt to the fore and prying his mouth opened reached behind her and grabbed the first thing she found wedging it into Rhett’s mouth. A spasming Rhett bit down, the scream coming from Just Bob was horrendous. Bounding into the air he kicked over the Sacred Bucket spilling what was left of the contents. Suddenly Rhett was forgotten as desperate hashers dropped to their knees and began lapping at the last of the liquid. Mad with pain Just Bob seized the cooler and poured the ice water over his head and other lower parts. With no alcohol left the pack dispersed to the Bullshead for meat and drink. Learn to love the pain. Cheers.