Run #472 Another Year Older and Just as Dumb

McTaco brought the pack together last week behind the Harvey Milk Rec. Center at Duboce Park the only dog park in SF reserved for gay hounds. Poor Whippet In and Whippet Out stood tail to tail and just quaked in fear waiting for the *un to start. Drill Me became incensed when a frou-frou cut poodle sidled up to Bite Size and hit on her. McT had called the pack together in celebration of his Bday. Alcohol and Alzheimer’s have been so unkind to him that the pack was amazed he even remembered. Son of Shit was back for the third time in a row. In a desperate attempt to curry favor he tossed some chum into the shark pool in the form of sweet young thing Chamber Pot, a W&CS wankerette. Taking the virgin lass in hand Tongueless led her forth to the altar where she supplied the Gypsies with a reading of the Sacred Missal. Grim Rimmer was so enamored with Chamber Pot that he left a large splash on his own reading material. Such an effect did this beauty have that Chickless Boner was heard lamenting that she was still alive. Once emotions were under control the pack was on-on. Trail wound along Haight where Rhett Butthole was delayed when he couldn’t pass up a sale on his controlled substance of choice. So intense was his secondhand smoke that Just Doesn’t Get It floated down Haight like a djin in search of a bottle. At Your Cervix was so overcum by the euphoria being spread by Rhett that she decided to drop out of the pack and become the Mother Teresa of Haight Street ministering to the needy. Not much difference really since the pack is full of the halt and the lame and by evening’s end the blind. Haight always tends to slow down the pack there are so many diversions. Naked Hasher spends half his time handing out candy to all the young female runaways offering them shelter and a chance to star in his latest Internet ventures. Trail led into the Panhandle where Boulder Holder was spotted cruising through the homeless encampments trying to snag a date. Das Poop offered to squire her around but she told him that she wasn’t that desperate. Comes Slowly was so appalled by the behavior of the pack that she tore a brown bag from the hand of the nearest wino and poured herself into Thunderbird heaven, Sadie would be driving again. With a beer check to help lubricate them the pack was soon back in McTaco’s garage to drink to his health and annoy the neighbors. Expecting a cool night Fits In had prepared by filling the Sacred Thermos with hot chocolate to be mixed with an assortment of liver damaging potables. There was Irish Cream, brandy, Peppermint Schnapps, and coffee liqueur, something for everyone. Combining the alcohol with chips and salsa provided the pack with a complete evening’s nutrition. While she feasted on chips Rocky Mountain Oyster slipped a tot of brandy into his daughter’s hot chocolate leaving Becca full, sleepy, and unable to blow the whistle on him no matter how drunk and disorderly he chose to be. As usual a fair number of Gypsies chose to forego the rigors of the trail and arrive just in time to partake of the cocktails. I R Stupid proved smart enough to take this tack. However he was not smart enough to avoid drinking himself into oblivion. While SCAF avoided I R S’s fate he was unable to stop Handjob For Humanity from making the same mistake making it a certainty that the only handjob he’d be getting would be self administered. Meat Pie couldn’t stay since she was headed back to Haight looking for the still missing Comes Slowly but she made sure she had enough to fortify herself for the search. Unable to decide which of the alcohols would best counteract the affects of the sugar in the hot chocolate Shithead solved the problem drinking some of all of them. The Ripper was so ripped that Manhandler had to use a whip and chair to keep him in his place. Never being one to say no to a drop of punch Glory Hole found himself by end of evening unable to lift his head out of Spanks For the Mammaries’ lap while she massaged his brow and softly sang Kumbya. Likes To Lick was busy trying to convince Open Wide to get an early start on her red-eye to Minneapolis by playing Mile High Club in McT’s bathroom. Unfortunately it was already occupied by D’anglin Anglin and Nutless Sac playing pin the tail on the….well we don’t even want to go there. Fits In understanding that a down-down is something to fear not desire was pouring them for King Rongjon by mixing V8 and brandy allowing miscreants to get both their alcohol and one of their prescribed five servings of vegetables. The taste was so vile that the King found it necessary to use the Sword Of Power as a means of encouraging evil doers to accept their penance. As he lay in a pool of down-down vomit Thumper’s vow to go forth and sin no more seemed very sincere. Having seen Bigfoot do two down-downs the fear on Enter The Gerbil’s face when she threatened to belch was real. Only Phone Sex’s quick thinking in disguising Fit In under a handy burkah (inquiring minds wonder why McTaco had one so handy) saved her from being lynched by nauseated criminals. 5150 appeared out of nowhere at this point having foolishly *un the trail only to injure his ankle as he stumbled over the EBH3’s comatose Splat. One can only imagine how drunk Twinkle Dick had to be to mistake Just Dan for his bicycle but strangely enough Dan didn’t seem to mind. While all this was going on Eager Beaver was finding McTaco so eager that he was premature. Who the hell is Sticky Soles? Getting older beats the alternative. Cheers.