Run #1355 Ab Fab!

Last week was the last Thursday in March so the Gypsies were busy showing that they definitely wear it well on the umpteenth Little Black Number trail. The Cunt Next Door or as she is currently known The Cunt Next Door + 1 were the hares and gathered the fashion plates at Front and Union. Douche Of Hazard and A Fistful Of Cum were there to celebrate their 7^th Anniversary, yes, lo those many years ago they were married on this very trail. Fisty looked fine in his frock but, whoa mama, Douche rocked her décolletage and gave a whole new meaning to “body camera”. The local yokels were happy to slow crawl past the show of pack members switching into those little black dresses except for Ska Skank Redemption who is the only know case of red-black colorblindness. Ska wearing a red wig that Heinz would like to use as a ketchup label defended her choice by pointing out that at least red-black colorblindness doesn’t affect her driving. Tongueless’ Penis was wearing a skintight, and it showed A LOT of skin, hooded black and blue number. TP’s outfit was so tight that Dick Ass Mother Fucker asked if he could borrow the oil TP needed to get into it, not that DAMF was wearing any less clinging an outfit. “Saint” Titty Boo Boo was wearing what he described as his “easy on easy off pretorn just lie back and enjoy it #metoo number”. When the topic is skin My Uncle’s Girlfriend has to be covered; if her skirt had been any shorter it would have been a headband, not that anyone was complaining. Cream Throat Willie was another one who added a splash of color to his outfit; of course that splash of color only attracted the eye to his less than hairy décolletage. When the talk turns to hairy the talk turns to Hot Dick whose back can give Splat a *un for his money. The little coquette was wearing his spaghetti strap number with a fashionable beret to go with Ice Box’s, don’t expect to see this at the Easter Parade, chapeau. The fools at the Top of the Mark once told her take off since hats weren’t allowed; Ice Box took it off alright but not her hat. The stylish pack lined up for the usual photo op and Cock A Mole kindly did the honors with every camera handed to her; the doctor diagnosed her as having “shutterbug finger”. Fits In both refilled the Sacred Cooler with more assorted Lagunitas bottles and hand religion off to Ice Box and Hot Dick to provide the pack with some biblical thoughts from the Sacred Missal 2.0. By then our hares were off to set the trail that no one needed to follow to know where they were going. T was mistaken for the ghost of Marilyn Monroe by several visually impaired civilians as he and TCND chalked marks and tossed flour through Chinatown and North Beach to finally stroll the California hill and walk into door number one at the Tonga Room. TCND flopped into a chair and looking into her virgin Pina Colada patted +1 and said, “It’s been a long time since mommy has had a virgin anything”. Bitches Bitch led the pack knowing just how crowded the bar was about to become. Mouth Down South a Whine and Chowder wanker filled his mouth up north with alcohol then went the way of all flesh, home. Mary Tyler Whore shed a tear when the bill came. “The hares are away”, rose over the din and off they went to lay trail to door number 2 The Starlight Room at the Sir Francis Drake. The Gypsies have a love-love relationship with the Starlight Room and this was no exception. As the hares passed through the doors the doorman asked, “Has it already been a year”? There was burlesque Cabaret scheduled so the dance floor was out of bounds but looking around the Director told T the pack was giving them a run for their money and if anyone wanted to come to the THEIR show the price would be half. Who’s Your Daddy and Chickenboner walked into the show momentarily and the applause they got registered on the Richter Scale. When Fits In arrived her French .75 was already waiting to be drunk. Bitch Pimp and Just Pat were introduced to the pleasures of this high caliber libation and it hit the target. Tears Of Semen and Blow Queen were looking fine and the bar soon had them looking even finer or at least they thought so. One Night Only put in an appearance and shed bitter tears at having to make an early flight for work and not play. Twinkle Dick positively sparkled. Way too soon it was “Hares away” but it wasn’t very far to door number three the Clock Bar in the Westin. T’s blonde wig made the rounds; it looked great on Just Pat who did her best Cousin It impression. “S”TBB looked more like he needed a bikini wax and fast! Stinky Floss was attired in what can best be described as tight and high, were she of that ilk money would have cum rolling in. Cockulus Oculus found the bar to her liking and those watching her returned the favor. The hares were away and headed back to the start. Not that T was toasted but that last glass of Talisker might not have been necessary; still, athlete that he is, he managed to only fall over 3 times and not hit his head even once! TCND was ecstatic to not be +2. Back at the start the survivors gathered to inflict even more pain on themselves from the Sacred Thermi filled with hot toddys. Showing a brilliant ability to balance Missed Delivery managed to spill not a drop as he touched the ground and whispered, “It’s not Halloween so we won’t be kissing”! 5 Angry Inches having missed the bars was sitting on the ground in his bikini briefs kissing his liver a fond farewell. It wasn’t long before “S”TBB was down to his skivvies as well. To say that Jack The Ripper rolled in would be accurate. Somewhere along the route the pack had managed to acquire Jihad Jew and Ich Liebe Dick from the LAH3 and they fit right in. King Rongjon a vision in black had managed to get further and further behind at every bar so with the down-downs poured T took up the Sword Of Power and was about to wield it when 5150 announced the cuming of the King. King Rongjon took over and immediately called up T to give him a belated Bday song. The hares were toasted and “S”TBB getting toastier by the minute was the stunt drinker for TCND+1. Tuna On Top managed to usurp the Sword from RJ’s less than nimble fingers and tried to hold court. Lois Lame was incensed by the idea and shoved T into the fray. T managed to administer a number of illegal chokeholds and retrieve the Sword pleasing LL to no end. Eventually FI shouted “Last call” and the pack shoved as many bottles into pockets and backpacks as they’d hold and the Outbeer was steered from the curb at 11:30pm, the hardcore held their ground were lying on it spell. Who’s Your Daddy and Chickenboner were particularly elegant. Cheers.